Sometimes im child enough to scream

The Get Up Kids-My Apology

You'll be accepting my apology for taking things too seriously.
Sometimes I'm old enough to to keep routines,
sometimes I'm child enough to scream
for everything I broke in two,
You're barely missing me, I'm missing you and everything you do,
I really do, I really do, sure I do.

My once photographic memory for recollection's sake is failing me.
I can't remember for the life of me.

Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong,
Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong,
But we move on

Get a job where I can tell all of my accounts of someone else
I'm quick enough to judge that they were wrong and that we knew it all along
sing a long, long-winded song I would be content to hum along.

If I state that my fingers know where to show what everyone should have known,
I'll let it go.
Hopefully you'll forget that words that I put in print
my luck, you'll change and have strength enough to walk away

Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
But we move on.
Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
Sometimes I can think to recite words that I read and rewrite,
my pens paint people that I've proven wrong.

Lakes of Canada

Watch and enjoy

In how our paths differ.

I seem to be closing in to a crossroads in my life. It terrifies me to know that whatever decision I make is going to affect the outcome of my life. No do overs. I'm scared. On top of that, even though I don't have to I constantly keep trying to choose the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I keep putting her in a box, trying to decide who she is, what she looks like, what she would do. I can't help it. It is bizarre how badly you can miss someone you've never met. She might be in front of you and you don't realize or she might be thousands of miles away from you and you feel her right next to you. Who ever that person is, think I'm ready to meet her. Hope she feels the same way.

You keep slipping away from my dreams, i keep trying to catch you, unsuccessfully. I'm so scared I might miss you, scared i might walk the other sidewalk and never meet you. Scared I might board the wrong train, dine at the wrong place, sing the wrong song, scared i might never meet you. If our paths are parallel roads how will we? It can't be. I feel you pulling me to you, feel you drawing closer, feel you near. Wait for my at your crossroads, I won't delay. I swear.

The New Amsterdams-Turn out the light.

There are taxis one might take. You know?

You don't have to ride in the car with me if you don't want to. There are taxis you know? Awkward silences seem to be the order of the day. Thank God for music. Filling in the missing conversation we so dreadfully avoid. From the first moment we met we have been amazingly succesful at talking about everything else but us. Here is what I want, i want peace. I can't have you coming into my toughts everytime you want, its annoying, but oh so nice. I tried to plan ahead, see what I wanted with my future, but you keep coming into my plans and expectations. Take your adorable child-like smile and go away. Or come, really close. Be welcomed into my toughts and longings, just dont have me in the middle. Either get in the car and enjoy the ride, or take a taxi by yourslef. Don't have me suffering your silences while you engage your mesmerizing sight with me. Please don't.

Music you should listen while reading this blog:
Tycho-The daydream

I have done things, seen things, known things.

I've met coward kings and self righteous tyrants
I've met brave field marshalls and heroes of might
But I've never met one like You.

I've seen people die at the kings heavy hand
But I've never seen a king die out of love for his people

I've seen gods punish men for mere entertainment
But I've never seen a god punish himself for men's mistakes

I've seen blood bieng spilled over child-like arguments
But I've never seen blood bieng spilled to save a child-like mankind

I've read of the great tales of old, the heroes and the villains
But I've never read of carpenters, fishermen or tax collectors

I've had my share of love in different faces and beds
But I never knew the kind of love that would save my soul and everyone else's

But then again, I've never met anyone like You.

Sunday Rain.

Every Sunday I seem to enter a state of total weariness. I believe its just the way my mind overloads after the whole week of stupid and senseless ramblings inside my head. This along with the constant and urging need to find someone who finds me at least somewhat a nice person to be around. I crave acceptance, but Im so selfish and self-centered, Im never content with whoever tries to come close to me. This in part I believe has to do with the fact that I never really seem to be accepted by who I wish to be close to.

All my relationships seem to be tragic, fatalistic and self-damaging. I wonder why I never had a normal relationship with someone. Whenever I find someone who seems to be slightly interested in, she is in a relationship, I arrived a month late, she just had long relationship thus not interested or lastly and the one I really hate the most because of its taunting way of saying you're doomed we end up living separated by thousands of miles. So i day dream of possible scenarios, i dream of these people, i dream of my life and how I want it to be, just to find myself exhausted after a long and longing nap for strength and maybe just a little more.

Im surrounded by people who I barely know, or barely let myself be known by. I may pass as an outgoing, easygoing fun person, but i seldom let anyone in. The irony in this is that the people i really open to seem to treat me like i treat everyone else. I try so hard to get some insight into their hearts and lives but they couldn't care less about my interest in them. Im a good friend they say. Good friend. So, I find myself looking once more for someone to share my life with, someone who wants to spend time with me just cause she likes to. Someone who does not need my constant search for conversation, someone who enjoys my silence as much as she enjoys my child like games and sillyness. Someone who would like to know if i drink coffee in the evening, if i like rain on sundays, if i like them. Oh i'd like that.

wordle

So i plugged in my blog into wordle.net which creates word clouds with texts and this is what came out:

You cried wolf

"You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite"

Stranded in your sea

Im letting go.
I drift away just to see if you'll follow.
I drift away just to see if we follow the same current, the same tide.
I dont think we are, else why did i have to hold on?

Im letting go.
To catch a new current.
To follow my waves.
Just to see if at the end of the day im still stranded in your sea.

Stranded in your sea.

In your sea-The get up kids

Cause I'm waiting for you
And all you can do
So little to prove
Time is the test of trust
gets the best of us
For hours, for hours

Because I'm waiting for you
And all you can do
So little to prove
Nobody knew, it must have been you
I didn't approve
But someday I'll be free
And you'll wait for me
For hours, for ours