Sunday Rain.

Every Sunday I seem to enter a state of total weariness. I believe its just the way my mind overloads after the whole week of stupid and senseless ramblings inside my head. This along with the constant and urging need to find someone who finds me at least somewhat a nice person to be around. I crave acceptance, but Im so selfish and self-centered, Im never content with whoever tries to come close to me. This in part I believe has to do with the fact that I never really seem to be accepted by who I wish to be close to.

All my relationships seem to be tragic, fatalistic and self-damaging. I wonder why I never had a normal relationship with someone. Whenever I find someone who seems to be slightly interested in, she is in a relationship, I arrived a month late, she just had long relationship thus not interested or lastly and the one I really hate the most because of its taunting way of saying you're doomed we end up living separated by thousands of miles. So i day dream of possible scenarios, i dream of these people, i dream of my life and how I want it to be, just to find myself exhausted after a long and longing nap for strength and maybe just a little more.

Im surrounded by people who I barely know, or barely let myself be known by. I may pass as an outgoing, easygoing fun person, but i seldom let anyone in. The irony in this is that the people i really open to seem to treat me like i treat everyone else. I try so hard to get some insight into their hearts and lives but they couldn't care less about my interest in them. Im a good friend they say. Good friend. So, I find myself looking once more for someone to share my life with, someone who wants to spend time with me just cause she likes to. Someone who does not need my constant search for conversation, someone who enjoys my silence as much as she enjoys my child like games and sillyness. Someone who would like to know if i drink coffee in the evening, if i like rain on sundays, if i like them. Oh i'd like that.